I always feel conflicted about my font. Does Calibri draw people in? Is Times New Roman dismissed as cliché? Is Ariel too stand-offish? I think I need my own personal font. I’ll have to call the font-designer hotline (I understand they’re like superheroes only much cooler and with better facial hair).
I’m pretty sure my font is the only reason I slack off with writing and has nothing to do with my laziness or my love of youtube movies (I found two more to watch today). Maybe I could design my own font:
I feel more professional already! Now I just need black shoe polish and a monkey and the world will finally see me as a true professional. Monkeys aren’t usually professional but this one would be because it would be a highly intelligent monkey-servant. It would be trained to make beds and deep-fried Twinkies. I could use me one of those right now… In fact, I really think it’s necessary to my health and well-being. There are some dark, scary caves of laziness that only a warm, plump Twinkie could tempt me out of. I’ll have to go in search of one immediately. There’s bound to be a state fair in driving distance. I’ll try the state of Verdad first.*
*I should note that Verdad is not a real state but one that I made up. It exists somewhere between Nevada and my house, and it is always having a state fair.