Yay! Lists are Fun!

I’ve noticed that a lot of blogs have themes.  Mine doesn’t really have a theme.  Or does it?!?

I’m going to list the topics of my posts and try to find some kind of theme, which I will implement in my blogs in the future.  Here we go!

1)      I like sleeping more than cooking.

2)      Black turtlenecks aren’t just good for vampire attacks.

3)      Happiness isn’t an option for people who won’t eat fast food.

4)      Studying for tests is turning me into a serial killer

5)      If my husband ever eats me, he’d better have the decency to pray over me first.  The cad.

6)      Studying without pretzels is like sliding down a slip n slide without water.

7)      I may or may not be a cyborg.

8)      The intrepid absence of Youtube Robin Hood.

9)      I am in a bad mood, and nothing is ever my fault.

10)   My blog is aptly named after all.

11)   I’m not sad; I’m just bored out of my mind.

12)   Life is good when you are the God of Cheese.

13)   Nobody loves me.  Even my arms keep trying to make a run for it.

14)   Just because my face is zitty, doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.

15)   Color-coded study schedules are made to be broken.

16)   Proposals are not nearly as interesting as my computer manual.

17)   Orange blogs are better than blue ones.

18)   Blogging under the Influence.

19)   Ireland is almost as green as my newfound superpowers.

20)   I know less about facebook than your grandma does.

So far I’m not seeing much consistency.  I like talking about food.  I also like talking about myself.  I think that at least one day of the week should have some kind of theme, though.  Maybe I could blog about Gertrude.  I’d have to do it on the sly; she doesn’t like it when I tell people about her.  Something about breaking the sacred oath of the something-or-other, resulting in some kind of zombie apocalypse.  I’m sure she’s exaggerating…

But Gertrude will have to wait until later, because right now I'm going to bed.

Look Who's Never Sleeping Now, Crime!

Wow.  Okay, I just wrote a paper in two hours.  Not my best idea.  I admit a certain lack of planning was involved.  By the way, if you’re my teacher and you’re reading this, I’m just kidding.  Funny joke, right?  I’m such a kidder…

I decided today was a good day to make a screensaver slideshow of all the places I would never get to see.  At first this was pretty hard because I was including things like the dog pound in Philadelphia and the inside of a men’s bathroom in Kentucky, but after narrowing my search field significantly, I started to make some real progress. 

I started with pictures of Ireland.  Heads up, guys, Ireland’s green.  Really green.  Like, think of the greenest thing you’ve ever seen (I thought of my brother’s face after riding a rollercoaster) and times that by a bazillion.  (By the way, did you know that bazillion is an accepted word, but bajillion isn’t?  I know because my spell checker told me so.)  I would post a picture of Ireland, but I am technologically retarded.  You’ll just have to make do with the following description:

There’s a green tree.  Also green grass.  Also?  Green moss on the rocks.  And behind one of the rocks is something that might be a leprechaun or a leprechaun disguised as another tree.    And if the camera had been in focus, the sky would probably be green, too, and not that pasty, unnatural shade of blue.  Everyone knows that all of Ireland is green, even the sky.

The problem with travel is that it costs money.  Real money, not the kind I almost got arrested for trying to use at the purple pantyhose emporium.  I thought about getting a second job besides the one I have at Plato’s Closet, but then I got an even better idea.  Are you standing up?  Because you might want to sit down for this one.  (Also, if you regularly stand up while you surf the internet, you have serious problems, my friend.  Remind me to explain the concept of chairs to you sometime.) 

My idea is this: I will become a superhero (cue thunderclap).  My plan has three simple steps:

Step one: Get some kind of incredible power.

Step two: Use that power to fight crime on a semi-regular basis.

Step three: Make a fortune from the action figures and t-shirts.

Step two is easy, like falling off a log.  Step three is even easier and is more like falling off a pillow onto a softer, more comfortable pillow.  Step one might be a little trickier.  As far as I know, I don’t have any superpowers: except for the ability to overuse colons.  But I don’t think that would make a good action figure, and the t-shirt would be a disaster.  Because isn’t a colon also some kind of disease or tumor?  So if the t-shirt said “Colons are the best!” it could create some confusion. 

I know what power I would have if I could choose any power in the world.  I would choose the ability to make people reeeally sleepy at will.  That would be an awesome power.  Think about it!  If someone’s robbing a bank or something, all I would have to do is will them to get really tired and even if they didn’t fall asleep they would still be all stupid and stumble-y like a herd of drunken horses.  I could have a cool name like “Sleepinator Sara” and a cool catch phrase like “look who’s never sleeping now, crime!”  You know, because crime never sleeps.  It’s funny.  Really. 

But I have no idea how to get this particular superpower.  Bite from a radioactive sloth?  Radioactive Tylenol PM?  But wouldn’t those things just make me sleepy?  I’ll have to do some research on the principles of comic book radioactivity…

Sheesh, becoming a superhero is starting to get just as hard as getting a second job.  Meh, whatever.  I’m going to go eat some cheese.